Living with someone for years while married can give people insight into their true personality. Someone who seems charming and kind to others may be quite abrasive and unpleasant behind closed doors.
Some people recognize after years of marriage that their spouse is a narcissist or has narcissistic tendencies. Narcissists are highly manipulative and want to control how other people perceive them. They enjoy receiving praise and adulation from others and can react violently to anything that could theoretically damage their reputation.
Those who have realized that their spouses are narcissists may decide that they want to divorce them. Leaving a narcissist can potentially lead to highly stressful situations and inappropriate conduct. How do people prepare to divorce a spouse with narcissistic traits?
With thorough, careful planning
The best time to handle the details of a divorce from a narcissist is before they know. Narcissists may lie to others to manipulate them to get them on their side. They may hide or destroy evidence. They may lash out in any number of destructive, inappropriate ways.
Someone hoping to leave a narcissist needs to prepare carefully for the process. They may want to remove and protect valuable possessions that the narcissist could destroy. They may need to obtain copies of financial records and work on rebuilding relationships with other people. Typically, those planning to divorce a narcissist need legal support as they prepare.
With careful structure during the divorce
Narcissists can be very manipulative. Therefore, the people divorcing them often need to have rules in place limiting communication. It may be possible to have all communication go through an attorney in some cases.
When there are children involved, structure becomes that much more important. Parents need to limit what their children witness or prepare them for the possibility of inappropriate speech and outbursts from the narcissistic parent without disparaging the other parent. Parenting apps, temporary court orders and support from legal professionals can all help people safely and calmly navigate the details of the divorce from a narcissistic spouse.
With a focus on healing afterward
It can take quite some time to move on after a relationship with a manipulative or abusive individual. The non-narcissistic spouse may require counseling or may want to attend a support group. They may also need to look into therapy for their children who could either develop traumatic responses to the narcissistic parent’s behavior or start to mirror their toxic traits.
Careful planning and access to the right resources can take much of the risk and stress out of preparing to divorce a narcissist. Those who recognize that their divorces may involve unusual circumstances may need to use extra care as they plan for the future.