You’ve probably seen posts on Instagram of famous ex-spouses vacationing together with their children and even their new spouses and children as one big, happy blended family. It’s easy to dismiss this as an unrealistic goal or something only possible if you’re among the super rich who can afford to rent out an entire lodge or villa so there’s not too much togetherness.
These family vacations after divorce aren’t as rare as you might think. They can even be practical and cost effective. If the kids have a favorite vacation destination from when their parents were together, a joint vacation can make more sense than two separate ones. Even if you don’t still have a family cabin up in Wisconsin or a private residence club membership through a hotel chain, you can rent a home via a vacation rental company that is large enough to accommodate everyone comfortably.
Of course, a shared family vacation isn’t for everyone. If you and your ex genuinely can’t stand to be around each other or each other’s new partners or your kids and their step-siblings don’t get along, it can be a recipe for disaster. But, if you think you can make it work, it’s probably best to start out small with a long weekend trip. If that proceeds without serious drama, then start planning a spring break, summer or winter vacation trip.
Setting ground rules is important
It’s crucial not to “wing it,” but to do some planning prior to the trip. For example, you should agree on things like the following:
- How expenses will be divided
- What the room assignments will be and what areas will be shared
- How child care responsibilities will be split
- Whether each parent will have a specified amount of time alone with the kids (and any specific sights you may be going to so your kids are subject to repeat visits to the same place)
- How the vacation will fit into your custody and visitation schedule
It may be worthwhile to put something in writing addressing these and other matters so that everything is clear. If the first vacation goes well and you plan to do it again, it may be worth adding a provision addressing shared vacations to your parenting plan. You may benefit from getting legal guidance at any point in your planning, to better ensure that expectations are clear and enforceable.